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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28863597">Unobtainable</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/cestlestialbeings/pseuds/cestlestialbeings'>cestlestialbeings</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Unrequited Wincest [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bottom Dean Winchester/Top Sam Winchester, He is. I swear. But he doesn't act like it, Heterosexual Dean Winchester, M/M, POV Sam Winchester, Pining Sam Winchester, Season/Series 04, Starts with smut ends with angst, Traumatized Dean Winchester, Unrequited Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 05:47:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>925</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28863597</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/cestlestialbeings/pseuds/cestlestialbeings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean has started sleeping with Sam to gain control over his Hell memories. But Dean will never actually return Sam's feelings, and Sam knows it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Unrequited Wincest [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2001400</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>51</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Unobtainable</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Sequel to <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28829196">Hell</a>. That one was from Dean's POV and this one is from Sam's, a few weeks later.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s been a month since the first time, and tonight, Dean is trying a new position: Sam’s on his back on the bed, Dean on top, riding Sam’s dick. Dean’s eyes are shut tight, his breaths short and gasping as he grinds into Sam. Dean’s hands, rough and calloused, are resting on Sam’s chest, and his hard dick brushes against Sam’s stomach. Sam presses his head back into the pillow, biting his lip from the pleasure. The warm tightness feels good, even though Sam can’t help but be partially distracted by the one-sidedness of the situation. His hands find Dean’s hips, and his fingers dig into the soft skin there.</p>
<p>Dean’s eyes open for a moment and he stops, looking down at Sam’s hands.</p>
<p>“Sorry,” Sam says, starting to move his hands away. Dean doesn’t like to be touched anywhere else on his body while they fuck, doesn’t like any display of emotional intimacy. And Sam knows the distance is what Dean needs, so he tries to respect Dean’s preferences.</p>
<p>“It’s fine,” Dean says after a moment, and he shuts his eyes again, keeps going.</p>
<p>Sam clenches his jaw and looks away. He gives himself to Dean when Dean asks, because how can he not? When Dean gave everything for Sam—his own <em>soul</em>—how can Sam not put himself through some heartbreak to help Dean too? But even while Sam feels a climax building, there’s an empty ache inside while he watches Dean, who’s not quite here, not really with Sam. Sam wants to explore Dean’s body, kiss every part of him, but there’s only one kind of sex Dean will take, and it doesn’t involve the complete physical intimacy Sam craves.</p>
<p>So he contents himself—if it can be called that—with watching the lean lines of Dean’s body, stunning in their smooth motion on top of Sam. Sam’s eyes move up to Dean’s face, Dean’s soft mouth parted and panting, his features overcome with pleasure. It’s painful, how beautiful Dean is. So close, but untouchable.</p>
<p>Dean comes with a moan, spurting come across Sam’s chest. He leans forward a little, breathing hard, his hands pressing hard against Sam’s skin. His eyes open. “I’m… I think I’m done.”</p>
<p>“Sure,” Sam says, brushing his fingers lightly against Dean’s jawline, the light stubble prickly under his fingertips. Dean flinches a little at first, but then he smiles softly at Sam. Sam’s heart flutters.</p>
<p>“Sorry,” Dean says, as he climbs off Sam.</p>
<p>“It’s okay.” Sam rolls off the bed and stands up. He gives Dean a half-smile. “Give me a couple minutes to clean up.”</p>
<p>Dean nods, looking away.</p>
<p>Sam takes a cool shower, washes off the sweat and the cum and the lube, and then jerks himself off. His balls are aching from not finishing in Dean, and he needs the release. He feels a flash of irritation as he comes in the shower—why doesn’t Dean care about Sam’s needs?—which quickly turns into a resigned sadness. Dean isn’t fulfilling Sam’s needs because he can’t. Because he’s still healing. Because this isn’t about Sam, and Sam knows that. And Sam knows Dean feels guilty, but he can’t stop because he needs this.</p>
<p>Sam slips into bed next to Dean wearing just sweats. Dean himself is fully dressed. He always is after the sex.</p>
<p>Dean puts a hand on Sam’s cheek, leans in and kisses him gently. Dean’s lips are soft and warm, and Sam is totally caught up in the taste of him. The only sound in the quiet room is the wet noise of their lips re-finding each other again and again. Sam’s hand slips up to rest on the side of Dean’s neck. He can’t help it. He doesn’t know why Dean has started kissing him after, the past few times they’ve fucked. He doesn’t know if it’s because it helps Dean like the sex does, or if he enjoys it, or if he’s just doing it as a way to give something back to Sam.</p>
<p>He doesn’t really care, right now. He just accepts it, melts into the kisses. This is exactly what he’s been dreaming about for years. And if it makes it hurt more later, when Dean moves on? Who cares? He’ll worry about it down the road.</p>
<p>Sam pulls back, too soon, and his lips immediately miss Dean’s. “You want to stay here tonight?” he asks softly. He knows Dean does. He’s slept next to Sam, every night for the past month.</p>
<p>“If you want me to,” Dean says, but he’s already making himself comfortable, draping an arm over Sam’s bare chest.</p>
<p><em>I do</em>, thinks Sam. <em>I really, really do.</em></p>
<p>“‘Night, little brother,” Dean says.</p>
<p>“‘Night,” Sam says, and he turns off the light.</p>
<p>It’s hard to sleep with Dean here, his body warm against Sam’s. Without the distraction of sex or kissing, Sam just lies alone with his thoughts, watching Dean’s peaceful face as his eyes adjust to the darkness. Dean looks calm like this, the tension and distress of his daily life gone from his features. Dean used to have nightmares, after Hell, and Sam had been there to hold Dean afterwards. But Dean hasn’t had a nightmare in a couple of weeks, and Sam hates himself for wishing they’d come back.</p>
<p>At least he has this, for now. Bittersweet, having but not having.</p>
<p>Dean’s definitely asleep now, his breathing steady and slow. “I love you,” Sam whispers, and it hurts to say it, knowing Dean doesn’t feel the same way. “I love you so much.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Constructive criticism and thoughts very welcome. Thank you for reading :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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